What the hell just happened

I just read a good blog post about finishing. The writer completed the Pacific Crest Trail. The blog post is certainly a good read for people who are planning to walk the trail. That’s how I found the blog, actually. But the essay also shares some wisdom that is relevant to anyone on any journey. And since we are all on the journey of life, the wisdom is relevant to everyone.

http://triplecrownreview.com/2016/08/01/the-one-thing-i-wish-i-knew/

The advice is simple, and is probably familiar to anyone who has been on the planet for a few decades: “The finish line, in itself, is not the goal. Enjoy your hike along the way.”

This phrase shouldn’t strike you as a particularly great insight. It isn’t hard to think of several variations of the phrase. Carpe diem. Stop and smell the roses. Every time I fly, the pilot tells me to “sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.” The message is the same: the experience of the journey is more important than the accomplishment of reaching your destination.

The writer uses the experience of finishing the trail to make the point real. He reminds the reader that the end of the trail, is not like finishing a race. There is no crowd waiting for you to cross the finish line.

“It’s just you, standing there in the woods, thousands of miles from where you started, wondering what the hell just happened.”

That particular sentence resonated with me. I remembered the feeling that I had after I finished my tour in China. Being back in America was significant to me, but not to the people who had been here all along. But while I really like the writer’s insight, the sentence bothers me, too. I think that the writer has a good point, and I don’t disagree with him, but I think that there is more to it than that.

After I returned to the U.S., I spent a lot of time thinking about what happened in those two years. I thought about what I had seen and done, and how I reacted to events. I like to think that I was being mindful at the time. I reflected a lot about what I was doing and experiencing. I wrote about some of those encounters and events in my blog. Even so, after it was all done and I left the country, I still needed some time to think about what the hell just happened. By having some distance from post, I could reflect about the time more objectively.

Maybe the journey is more important than the accomplishment of finishing. But there’s another aspect to consider. After it’s all done, and your are back home, you are a different person. This is especially true if you have been focusing on the experience at the time. The experience is transformative, and a truly reflective person should spend some time discovering what is different about himself as a result. Maybe that’s what resonated with me about the essay. Maybe it’s important to wonder what the hell just happened.

Six months after leaving post, I am deep into the next adventure. Language learning is an intensive exercise, but it’s just the preparation for another foreign tour in another new country. Although I have left the first tour behind, I’m still wondering what the hell happened then. And it doesn’t bother me that I’m not entirely sure. Maybe it isn’t necessary to have it all figured out. Maybe it’s good that I know I don’t really know what the hell happened. Maybe being in the state of wondering means that I am still open to new interpretations. And maybe that means that I can still learn, I can still learn, I can continue to transform.

When reflecting on an experience, the fact that you don’t know what the hell happened doesn’t mean that you don’t know that something happened. Maybe realizing that fact is more important than knowing exactly what that “something” was. Realizing that you underwent a tranformative experience can be an enlightenment, and maybe that’s enough.

As far as we know, we only get one go-around in life. This is it. Reaching the finish line of life with a feeling of wonder doesn’t bother me. In fact, it would be preferable. It would be more satisfying to feel: “holy cow, that was incredible!” than to feel: “yup, pretty much what I expected.” Maybe we don’t have to know what the hell happened. Maybe not knowing what the hell happened isn’t a bad state of mind, because it means that we are still growing.

I am winning

A wise person once said that you are only ever competing with yourself.

My goal of running 2,017 kilometers in 2017 is off to a good start. I’m keeping a record of my progress in a spreadsheet. In the “score” cell is the difference between the progress that I should be making and what I actually have done. Anything over zero means that I am ahead of my goal. In gamification terms, that means that I am “winning.”

week1

My sister is also challenging herself. Her goal is to write 2,017 pages. She’s blogging about her experience here: https://alexkourvo.com/2017/01/06/what-can-you-do-2017-of-in-2017/. We are each other’s accountability buddies to keep us honest and encourage each other.

The gamification part is pretty motivating in and of itself. Although I am winning today, the game isn’t over yet. Tomorrow I will be back in the hole by 4+ km, unless I accumulate more distance.

Onward and upward.

I will run 2,017 kilometers in 2017

running1The title says it. I’m announcing to the world that I will run 2,017 kilometers by the end of 2017. There’s no getting out of it now without looking like a fool. I’ll hate myself for 364 days, but by December 31, 2017, I will think differently. I hope.

Running is my main means of exercise. I don’t hate running, but I don’t love it, either.  It’s boring, because most of the time I have to run on a treadmill. My family doctor told me that running outside is easier because something happens to your brain when you run outside. You sort of hypnotize yourself. That does NOT happen to me on the treadmill.

So, because I can’t enter a brain-numbed state of blissful detachment, I need something to distract me from running. I need something to help me forget that I’m annoying my body. Sometimes reading works, but it depends on the subject matter. Zombie apocalypse novels are good, because the scary parts provide a nice dash of adrenaline. I liked this one, for example. But there are only so many zombie apocalypse novels that are worth reading.

I also bought an Amazon Kindle Fire tablet so I could watch movies and TV shows while I run. This one only cost me $40 when it was on sale last year, it was ridiculously cheap.  That helps. The Quizlet app is another good distraction.

Now I can add another aspect to my exercise routine. I have set a goal for myself. I will run 2,017 kilometers in 2017.

The goal can also be broken down into sub-units. If my yearly goal is 2,017, then my monthly goal is 168. My weekly goal is 38.79. And so on. If I run for more than 39 km in a week, that’s great. That will mean that I have banked up some progress toward my goal, so I could take a break in some future week.

The concept of “gamification” is really intriguing. The idea is to add a level of competition, score-keeping and goal-setting to a task. You have to somehow quantify what you’re doing so you can keep track. In this case, it’s straightforward. I have a specific goal (2,017 km) that is countable in units. The more I run, the more units I accumulate, and the closer I get to reaching my goal.

This will also be a motivator to help me get to the gym. The psychology of gamification is that you “earn” some sort of “points” by doing the task. The points aren’t really real outside of the game, but the idea of accumulating points is motivating. The same principle applies to video games. The points that you earn by playing video games aren’t really worth anything, but they still have some value to the players.

So that’s my goal for 2017. I will run 2,017 kilometers by the end of the year.

What’s your goal? What can you do 2,017 of in 2017? Join the 2017 challenge.

Because I’m a nerd who likes to make web apps, I’m going to make a leaderboard web app where I will chart my progress. You can track your progress there as well. I’ll post a link as soon as it’s done.

What can I do 2,017 of?

Yesterday I read a thread on the “running” subreddit about running 2017 miles in 2017. It seems like a lot of running, and it is. You would have to run an average of 5.5 miles every day in order to reach that goal. That is not a realistic goal for me. I ran about 800 miles in 2016. So 2,017 miles in a year isn’t going to happen. I would probably do serious damage to my knees if I tried.

Still, the idea of doing 2,017 of something is intriguing. My sister the writer commented that she could try for writing that many pages. I’m not a writer, so I don’t know if that’s a lot. I assume it is. A good-sized novel is 400-500 pages. It seems reasonable to take a year to write a (good) novel. I guess you could write a lousy novel in a few weeks. If you were a super-speedy lousy writer, you could pump out a novel in three months, and if you did four 500-page novels in a year, that would help you hit the goal of 2,017 pages in a year.

I’m not a writer, so that isn’t even an option for me. If I were a baker, I could make 2,017 cookies. Or if I were a singer, I could sing 2,017 songs. A film critic could watch 2,017 movies (that’s too many movies). With a little creative thinking, it isn’t hard to brainstorm a pretty good list of units that you can accumulate 2,017 of in a year.

You could also get abstract and say that you were going to make 2,017 positive comments in the year. That’s an average of 5-6 every day. That wouldn’t be hard. Complement someone on their outfit, say thank you (and really mean it), wish a few people a nice day (sincerely), point out the nice weather, and you could get there pretty easily, I think. Plus, by reaching your goal, you would be making the world a little more pleasant 2,107 different times.

I’m currently in language training, and will be for the next 5-6 months. I could make a goal of saying 2,107 unique sentences in Vietnamese, or learning 2,017 new words. But language training will end before the year is half over. I want a goal that I can work on all year. I want a target that will keep me motivated through 11:59:59 pm on December 31, 2017.

Whatever I decide to do, I will tell everyone that I know. I read somewhere that you can force yourself to persist in your goal if you publicize it. It’s a strategy of motivation through public shaming. If you want to quit, then you will have to quit in full view of everyone. Everyone that you told about your goal will be a witness to your failure. Human beings are social animals. Remember the old playground chant: “sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” That’s a load of bullstuff. Names hurt. A lot. We really care about what our friends think of us. No one wants to be a failure in the eyes of his friends. So putting yourself out there with a public commitment is a pretty strong motivator.

I will think about this, and decide on my goal. If you have any ideas, let me know. And feel free to make your own goal. What can you do 2,017 of in 2017?

Faceless = Less Sad

I’ve read about  studies, some dating from several years ago, indicating that using Facebook makes people unhappy. Those stories ring true to me. Facebook used to be a way for me to keep up with my friends’ lives and activities. That is especially important to me, because my job keeps me separated from my friends and family back home in Michigan and around the world.

While I have been a relatively active user of Facebook for over ten years, and I still like the idea of social networks, Facebook seems less like a social network and more like a media outlet. Instead of seeing news from my friends, I see more and more content that is pushed to me. And that content has come under heavy criticism and suspicion as being fake news.

After the recent presidential election results, I found myself feeling worse when I looked at the posts on Facebook. I took a break from posting and from using the site for a few weeks. I found myself feeling better. That has made me think that the studies were probably applicable to me. Facebook makes me sad.

If something makes you feel worse instead of feeling better, the sane thing to do is to stop doing that thing. And if “that thing” is using Facebook, then it makes sense for me to stop using Facebook.

It isn’t as simple as quitting completely. Social networks are an important medium for keeping in touch with my friends and family. Facebook is the dominant social network. Cancelling my account doesn’t make sense. I have to be judicious about how I limit the way that Facebook makes me sad.

The provisional policy is this: I will log into Facebook, but I will not scroll down the page. If there is a notification or a message for me, it will appear at the top. I will not scroll down read other people’s posts. I have found that the level of sad that I experience on Facebook is directly proportional to the amount of scrolling that I do. If scrolling=sad, then I choose not to scroll.

I’ll continue to link my blog to my Facebook account. If you want to comment on my posts, I will get a notification, and I will read and respond to them. I hope to maintain contact with my friends online. I just can’t do the sad.

We’ll see how this works. Please keep in touch. I love you all. Let’s not make each other sad anymore. Life’s too short.