Author: Den Hoopingarner

I am in the process of beginning a new life, one in which I will spend most of my working career outside of the US. I’m not worried about living abroad. I lived in Taiwan for several years in my 20s, and I really enjoyed the experience.

The only regret that I felt about living abroad back then was the feeling of being out of touch with the US. I read all the news from the US that I could find, which in those days were the two local English newspapers, the China Post and the China News (at that time, limited to 12 pages), and Time magazine.

Now, of course, with the ubiquity of the Internet, there is a glut of news and information. I no longer have to worry about being in touch with the US when I am abroad.

But there is a bigger problem with me leaving this time.

I’m preparing to leave my home for Washington, D.C. and beyond. I will leave by myself. My family will remain in Michigan. My older son is in college, and my younger son is still in high school. My wife and I decided that rather than pull our younger son out of high school, that he should finish school where he is. So my wife will stay behind while I begin my career in the Foreign Service. I will begin my new career on my own.

This is not optimal. If I could choose, I would have my wife join me. We have always done everything together. I will miss her so much that it already hurts.

Beyond missing my family, I feel guilty for leaving them behind while I have a wonderful adventure.  Looking at my decision objectively, it appears that I am selfishly running away and abandoning my family. Lately, I often feel like a deadbeat dad who neglects his responsibilities as a husband and father.

So why the heck am I doing this? Why am I walking away from a stable job, a wonderful family, a comfortable life? Why am I causing pain in my marriage, and stress on my family by making this radical career change?

Good questions. I don’t have good answers, but the questions deserve some answer. I know that I am capable of doing more with my life than what I am doing now. I think that I can make a positive impact on more people’s lives, and fulfill my potential, through a career in the Foreign Service. I believe that my marriage is strong enough to survive a temporary separation. I hope that in the long run, when my wife can join me, my kids can visit me and we can visit them, we will look back on this time and say that it was worth it.

I recently read an essay by Anna Alardin in which she describes her experiences after moving from one country to another. It’s a good read, I recommend it: https://medium.com/better-humans/4dbca80eeb1d. One sentence in the essay resonated with me: “I’d rather be living in an honest, hands-on way — even when it’s uncomfortable — than let life happen to me.”

I have never done things the easy way. That choice has sometimes caused more stress in my life than is necessary, and more discomfort than if I had chosen the easy path. But we only get one life, one chance to experience what the world has to offer. I wouldn’t want to eat the same meal every day, I wouldn’t want to re-read the same book or re-watch the same movie every time. If you want to really live, maybe you have to push yourself to move outside your comfort zone, and accept some discomfort and uncertainty. When I approach the end of my life, I want to be able to look back and be able to say that I lived my life, that I didn’t let life happen to me.

When I reflect on my past experiences, every safe choice that I have made has led to unremarkable, forgettable experiences, and many “wrong” choices have led to memorable results. Not every unsafe choice has proven to be the best choice, of course. But not every safe choice has, either. There are no guarantees in life. The possibility that a choice might have a bad result should not be the reason not to take a chance.

I guess the answer to those questions is: I’m living my life, I hope that it turns out great, but either way, it won’t be boring.

I received the official offer letter from the State Department today, which contained salary information and the first batch of paperwork. I have to sign the offer letter, agreeing to accept the salary, show up for duty on time, not to take any time off during training.

Another packet of information is coming via UPS. I received an mail copy of the mailing form for the packet. It weighs three pounds. How many pieces of paper would you guess is in three pounds? I’m guessing a lot.

 

I also sign a form agreeing to serve wherever the government sends me. This will be the third time that I have signed this particular form. I signed it before I took the oral assessment, after I passed the oral assessment, and now. They must really mean it.

 

The process of joining the Foreign Service involves a lot of waiting. Apply to take the test, wait for an invitation. Take the test, wait for your score. Send in your personal narratives, wait for the results. And so on.

Since accepting the offer last week, there is a new step to wait for: the salary letter. I had to send in an updated resume (so my education and work experience can be calculated) and documentation of my current salary (so that the salary offer can be adjusted as possible to match my current salary). That had to go in ASAP, of course, but now there is more waiting. I’m waiting for the registrar’s office to calculate which of the 126 pay rates I should be awarded, based on my work experience and education. Rumor has it that I will hear back in about two weeks.

I’ve learned, over this 18-month journey, that dwelling on what I’m waiting for is not productive. I have to tell myself that it is out of my hands now, and I have to be patient. Keeping busy with other things helps. Setting small goals helps take my mind off the wait. Jerry Seinfeld’s trick about not breaking the chain is a good trick. The idea is to commit to doing something every day, and see how long you can keep it up. The more days in a row you do it, the longer the chain. Eventually, the chain gets so long that you hate to break it, and that becomes a motivation to keep going. I have chosen two challenges. One is to exercise every day between Thanksgiving and Christmas (so far, on target). The other challenge is to practice writing Chinese every day to improve my reading and writing. That chain gets broken a lot. I will commit to lengthening that chain.

And I will try hard not to think about the wait.

 

The Foreign Service has a presence in 265 embassies and consulates around the world. It’s possible that I will be posted to somewhere you have never heard of (do you know where Ouagadougou is?).

However, before being posted abroad, there is a six-week training session in Washington, D.C., followed by additional training. It could be up to a year before I actually go abroad.

“Tours” last between two and four years (most tours seem to be for three years). Foreign Service officers move around the world, serving in different countries throughout their careers.

It’s very likely, because of my language background, that I will be sent to a Chinese-speaking location for my first tour (China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, or Singapore). But that isn’t a guarantee. The State Department cautions us that:

All officers are considered worldwide available and must be prepared to go where needed; you must be ready, at any time, to meet the needs of the Service.

 

What is the Foreign Service?

The Foreign Service is the branch of the U.S. government that carries out the foreign policy of the U.S. government and assists U.S. citizens abroad. There are 15,000 active service members. most of whom serve in U.S. embassies and consular offices in other countries.

Wikipedia’s entry for the Foreign Service is pretty informative.

What will you be doing, exactly?

I will be a Foreign Service officer in the Public Diplomacy area. Here’s a good write-up from the State Department’s website about Public Diplomacy officers:

Public Diplomacy Officers engage and network with the full range of host national society and government to shape the public message and perceptions about the United States. Public diplomacy officers maintain contacts with key people who influence public opinion. They are also managers of people, programs, budgets and resources.

Public Diplomacy Officers engage, inform, and influence opinion leaders, local non-governmental groups, the next generation of leaders, academics, think tanks, government officials, and the full range of civil society in order to promote mutual understanding and support for U.S policy goals. Public diplomacy officers explain the breadth of American foreign policies to ensure that our positions are understood and misrepresentations are corrected in addition to:

• Explaining to foreign audiences how American history, values and traditions shape our foreign policy.
• Creating and managing cultural and information programs to help connect with foreign audiences and engage in different cultures.
• Coordinating various exchange programs to strengthen relationships that improve foreign insight into American society.
• Communicating with and through a variety of media to promote U.S. interests abroad.

 

 

I finally have something to report. I got The Call on Tuesday. I will join the Foreign Service on January 13.

Thanks to everyone for your support and help during the application process.

I will post a lot more information over the next several days, and answer some of the frequently-asked questions that I have already been answering.

My life is about to change a lot, again.